Life & Work By Design Blog

Some of you have heard me say this before - “we are who we are because of the choices we’ve made.”  Starting at the ripe old age of about 12, you  began making a string of choices that have created the person you are right now.  

I will grant that the family you grew up with probably shaped not only the way you saw the world, but also how much of it you saw.  But, as a young adult, you could not help becoming aware of a whole universe of ideas and opportunities that are out there for the taking. 

So here you are, somewhere between 25 and 65 living every day in the life you’ve chosen so far.  If you were completely happy with that life you wouldn’t be reading this blog - so how are you going to shape your future now?  Let’s think about making better choices. 

If your life is stressful all the time, start analyzing who or what is causing the stress.  Is it your job, your lifestyle, your finances ?  Or is it  some self-imposed ideals like striving for perfection, believing you have to be a workaholic, and living up to some one else’s ideals?   Once you understand what is causing you to be unhappy, you can  start to think about choices that will  change your frame of mind and the direction you are headed. 

Another approach is to change some of the folks around you.  How long have you known the people you spend your time with? I’m not talking about your partner/spouse and kids - it’s all those other people.  Relatives, neighbors, friends from church or school, cohorts at work all affect your outlook on life.  If you long to break out a your rut, start going places where you can make new friends with new ideas.  Join a club or sign up for a class where you can find people who will challenge your mind and add new interest to your leisure time.  Start to build your “tribe” - a group who will be supportive and encouraging and helpful on your new road.   

And then there are our own bad habits.  My mother used to say that it took the same amount of time to create a good habit as a bad one and she was right.  It doesn’t take any more effort - think about that - it only takes repetition to turn a good practice into a habit.  You can become just as hooked on 30 minutes of morning thoughtfulness as you can on watching 30 minutes of inane morning television.  (And instead of riling you up over politics, celebrity gossip, and a bad economy, it will calm you down and allow you to focus on the good things in your life.)  

Every decision we make has an outcome that moves us further down the road.  If you desire to change your future, you have to start by making choices and decisions that lead toward the destination you have chosen.  Each time you approach a decision, stop and think about it carefully.  Does it lead you toward your goal? 

My favorite entrepreneurial mentor, Barbara Winter, always reminds us to talk to everyone we can - in lines at stores, in elevators, on planes, in cafes - it doesn’t matter where it is.  Find out what they do - you might get a great idea - and  spread the word about what you do or want to do.  You never know who they will tell.   

While I was waiting for a class to start this week, I saw an acquaintance sitting in the lobby at the YWCA waiting for her child’s class to end. When I told her that I was there to do one of my “What Do You Want to Do?” classes for a group of mothers, she immediately responded with a great story. 

She and a friend were sitting in the bleachers at the ball field last fall watching their kids play.  As they were talking, her friend mentioned that she had decided it was time to try going back to work, at least part-time, since the kids were now in kindergarten.  

They went on discussing her background in International Business Law  and the “problem” that she had no interest in getting back into the full-time grind of a corporate office . Suddenly, the Dad in front of her (whom she didn’t know) turned around and handed her his business card.

“I need someone to handle mergers and acquisitions for my company - send me your resume.” he said.   A month later she had a position as a consultant who works from her home with once weekly trips to the office for meetings.  She was able to negotiate a high billable hourly rate since she did not want to be full-time with all the perks just yet. 

This is a win-win for a small company who just acquired a very skilled team member to do only what they need her to do, and for a Mom who wants to get back into the flow of real work but with the flexibility that a pair of kindergarten-aged twins are going to demand.   I’m guessing she may never go back to the full-time grind of corporate law - she’s carving a niche that she can take to other small companies.  

I can hear you saying, “well, that was just a lucky break.”  Wait - there’s more.   My friend continued that she also found her part-time, home-based, media writing position by telling people at a cocktail party that she was a writer who was looking for free-lance assignments. 

Then, once I got into my class, two of the moms there had similar experiences to relate.  Sooooo…. what do you answer when someone asks what you do?    Work on constructing your career goal statement - here is one way to do that. 

I want to work with (who)______, doing (what)________at a (where)_________ during (when)_______ because I (why)_____________.  

Then start saying it a lot - to anyone and everyone around!

      (An excerpt from my E-book  for the over-50 crowd ) 

The advantage of finally being a “grown up” (if there is such a thing) is that once we are over 50, we find new roads opening up in front of us. Things that used to matter begin to pale. Our outlook begins to widen. We start to consider possibilities for change. Maybe we can make a dream come true. Maybe we can reinvent ourselves after all. We’ve still got at least 20 years good years in front of us.

There are lots of stories of folks who found their life’s work after 50. Grandma Moses didn’t start painting until she was 76. At age 70, Harlan Sanders started what would become the KFC restaurant chain. Frank Lloyd Wright completed Fallingwater at age 72 and worked on the Guggenheim Museum until his death at 91. Cezanne did his most important work after his 60^th birthday, and Clint Eastwood finally directed his best film, “Letters from Iwo Jima” when he was 76. Then there are those like Ronald Reagan, Jesse Ventura and George Foreman who completely changed their life’s direction after 50.

All of these people made choices to pursue their passion, to keep trying new things despite early failures, or to change paths completely at a time when many others consider their lives coming to an end. Do you have a dream that you still want to accomplish?

It’s never too late to start working on it. It’s a gift you can give to yourself and to the world.

In her book Pursuit of Passionate Purpose, Theresa Szczurek presents a process to help discover who you really are. It is impossible to define a purposeful life and work if you don’t know what is important to you. A list of priorities is essential to creating the mission statement that will guide you to success.

You may not realize it, but you make choices and decisions based on these three categories of self definition.

Values: These are your core beliefs, ideology, ethics, morals, attitudes and ideals that define who you are and what is meaningful to you. One way to identify your values is to look at the way you spend your two most valuable currencies – time and money.

Gifts: Your natural gifts are the sum of your talents, experience, abilities, aptitude, and education. These are not skills. Skills are taught. Gifts are either an innate part of you or are acquired through living. Ask others for input about what your unique gifts are. Think about your reactions to growing up experiences, adult life events and times of adversity. Everything in your past contributes to who you are today. Strengths are gained over the course of life especially during times of challenge.

Traits: These are the personal characteristics that allow you to effectively use your values and gifts. Traits are such things as confidence and self-esteem, curiosity, energy, integrity of effort, optimism, passion, regeneration and wholeness. (7)

Finding your mid-life passion can re-energize your life and bring rich rewards but only if it reflects who you truly are.

Determining your key priorities is an important first step and not one to be bypassed.

Mike Bellah, a columnist for many years at BestYears.com calls it taking inventory. “Before you decide what to change in midlife, you must decide what to keep.

Make a list of your values, strengths and interest.. …….Once you have decided what to keep at midlife, decide what you will change. What can be improved upon to make you even better at what you do?”

Pursuit of Passionate Purpose can be purchased in my bookstore, Web-site Link