Life & Work By Design Blog

Some friends and I went to see The Secret Life of Bees last week.  It’s a wonderful story about a time and a culture that many of us know very little about - the rural South in the early 1960’s era of civil rights reform and the industry of bee-keeping and honey production.

While listening to the bees fan themselves inside the hives one hot summer day, August the beekeeper tells Lily, “most people don’t have any idea about all the complicated life going on inside a hive.  Bees have a secret life we don’t know anything about.”

You can see the metaphor coming, I’m sure.  Don’t we all live secret lives in our minds sometimes?  Some of them are fanciful - I still wish I could be a ballerina - and some of them are impractical - a 72 yr old friend of mine wants to be an astronaut.

But in many cases, the only reason we harbor secret lives is because we don’t believe we can do it or we don’t know how to start.

What’s your secret life?  Is it  being a talk show host, a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist, a park ranger, or a shoe designer?  Or do you want to figure out a way to help a group like battered women, orphaned children, homeless veterans or struggling teens?

What’s the thing you most want to do or who do you most want to be?   I know you can do it if you decide to.  It may take a long time and it might be scary to think about, but wouldn’t it be worth it if you could live your secret life?

Let’s find your passion together.  I’m offering a special discount on my Dreamer’s Dialogue consulting sessions - a $40 savings if you sign up NOW for a January appointment.

You can go to the website and read about it on the Services page. Link     Evening and weekend time slots are available.

Then go to the Contact page and send me an e-mail before December 31st.

Tell me your phone number and the best times to contact you so we can arrange your session.                           START THE NEW YEAR OFF RIGHT!

In my most recent newsletter, I wrote about the natural human instincts that kick in as soon as our minds or bodies sense that something is about to change.  Anything that seems to threaten our safety and security causes us to feel things like dread, anxiety and fear.  It doesn’t take much to trigger these emotions. 

Well, let’s try flexing those risk muscles a little bit.  Play along with me, just for fun.   Spend the next week trying to do as many new things as you can think of.  Brush your teeth with your left hand (assuming you are right handed), take a new road to work, order a food you’ve never eaten before, check out a book on something you know nothing about, speak to a total stranger in the grocery check-out line, go sit in a restaurant and eat a meal alone. 

Stepping out of our normal routines and familiar territory help us grow and gain a sense of confidence in ourselves.  You also never know what you just might learn or experience that’s new by moving outside your frame for a little while.

Try it and I think you’ll find that it is fun!

One of my favorite small business gurus, Seth Godin, has a new book out entitled The Dip - A Little Book That Teaches You When to Quit(and when to stick).  Many of us have been in a job or position that just seems to become endlessly tedious, unrewarding and makes us miserable.  When this involves a career or a small business endeavor, knowing when to hang in there and when to just quit is sometimes difficult to decide.

Personally, I chose to just quit several years ago.  But I did it in the midst of a temper tantrum over a change in responsibility that was looming, and without any forethought or planning.  I just knew I had to get out of there! Undoubtedly, many of you have felt the same way.  Well, take a deep breath and chill out.  Don’t make rash decisions that you may regret.  (not that I regret it, but you might)

Godin describes how to recognize “the dip” - that low point of any project, job or life cycle where you have reached a dead end and realize that things will never improve much regardless of what you do.  And then he provides ideas for how to move forward. On the other hand, there are times when, no matter how you are feeling at the moment, you need to dig in and give it your all to get over the hump and on up the mountain.  Knowing the difference is the trick. It’s a great read if you are not sure where you are.

This book is available on my web-site in the book store. www.lifeandworkbydesign.com

 I use the word DREAM a lot in my writing and in my coaching conversations and sometimes wonder if it is correctly understood.  Dreams and Dreamers have often gotten a bad rap. I once knew a man whom several people described as a dreamer who would never amount to much, and of course Kenny Rogers made a huge hit out of a song entitled “Don’t Fall in Love with a Dreamer” that includes the line, “he’ll break you every time.”  So here you are, an intelligent, smart and ambitious person telling your friends and family that you are going to follow your dream.  If you are like the rest of us, they will tell you that you are nuts, silly or just plain crazy! I want to help you challenge that mindset right now. Valerie Young has written an article called Jumpstart Your Life by Dreaming Big in which she says the following: Wishing is passive. We wish for things over which we are powerless. We wish we’d win the lottery, that we were taller, that the waiter would hurry up. Dreaming is different.  Dreams are active.  They invite possibilities. You can see a dream.  That why Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. didn’t say, “I have a wish”. Dr. King knew that dreams are visual, positive, and contagious!

A dream has substance and meaning. A dream can be shaped and grown.  Indeed, a dream can become reality. Dreaming is active.  Giving a dream its life takes planning, learning and work.  Wishers are unable to take action; dreamers are creative and proactive. So take a long look at your dream, and then start laying the groundwork to make it come alive.